As a mother of two kids navigating their pre-teen years, I’ve had my fair share of surprises. My nine-year-old daughter, whom I’ll refer to as R, has forced me to notice just how quickly girls of this generation are maturing, both physically and socially. While she still plays with barbies and craves her share of cuddles, unless we’re near her school of course, the harsh reality is that she is rapidly approaching puberty. This journey of hers towards adolescence has been marked by a strong influence of media, prompting a curiosity in her to engage in certain popular trends that, from my perspective, oversexualize her. This includes the latest dance sensations on TikTok and makeup tutorials.
Our latest area of friction? Crop tops. Oh, how cute, trendy, and innocent they look on her prepubescent self! You might be wondering, what’s the fuss? And I find myself questioning my stance too. Am I the one oversexualizing my little girl? Or are my reservations turning me into a stereotypical parent enforcing outdated standards of decency? Such soul-searching led me to consult an expert, who helped me untangle my apprehensions and examine my perspective.
Shoving body shaming away from young girls seems like common knowledge. Certainly, my disinclination towards R’s affection for crop tops or her passion for makeup did not come from a place of thinking that her behavior was inappropriate or that her body was ‘wrong’ in any manner. On the other hand, I confess that my progressive and non-conservative approach towards such matters made me realize that my fears regarding my daughter becoming a victim was heavily influenced by the malevolent cultural construct that develops girls to believe that they are, or will inevitably be, primarily sexual objects.
The remedy offered by the expert was not to prohibit crop tops, but instead to appreciate them. With clear affirmations of being happy with having a body she’s proud of and comfortable in, irrespective of what she wears to school or around the house, R is reminded of healthy body positivity.
As of yet, R lacks knowledge about sexual matters. My disagreement over tween fashion, including crop tops, arises from looking at it through the prism of an adult woman who has too often been subjected to undesirable male attention, and wanting to shield her from it. Here, the best approach is to educate.
A crop-top ban or any dress-code that targets girls with a double standard is unhelpful, and potentially damaging as it places the burden of preventing inappropriate behavior onto the child herself. Acknowledging the unfavourable aspects of societal attitudes towards women doesn’t mean looking the other way. As parents, it’s our duty to equip our children with knowledge they won’t hear elsewhere.
The current state of sex education in our country focuses just on anatomy, often overlooks the psychosocial aspects such as consent, and promotes a stifled conversation. Sadly, if such education is falling short of making girls feel comfortable in their bodies, whether they’re sporting crop tops or sweatpants, it’s our responsibility as parents to fulfill this role at home.
So, where does this leave me? I have officially overturned the crop top ban for my daughter. But not before having a F-R-A-N-K discussion about objectification of women, the unfairness of the whole situation and the notion of consent. Taking into consideration the advice shared by the expert, I reminded her that being a girl is not her fault and as long as she’s comfortable in her clothes and knows how to ask for help if anything unexpected occurs, she’s doing great. That’s all for now, and I’ll keep you posted on my ongoing adventure of bringing up a decent young man.
